“It’s not you, it’s me” needn’t mean game over!
One of the big rocks that gets in the way of great career conversations, and the cause of anxiety for both parties, is the topic of ‘this job is no longer right for me’.
For team members, the experience is not unlike those awkward conversations with the now-ex, where the old standard of “it's not you, it's me” is thrown in to soften the blow. We fear causing disappointment, inciting anger, and heaven-forbid experiencing retaliation after sharing a desire to move to another part of the organisation, or even out of the organisation.
It’s not a bed of roses for leaders either! These conversations ARE hard. On one hand, it’s good to know what people are thinking, but it's no small job to replace great talent. With the strain in some teams caused by staffing shortages, it is easy to adopt the ‘don’t ask, and they won’t tell' approach to avoid having to hear bad news.
But as in our personal relationships, knowing is far better than not knowing! A surprise departure is always going to raise the question “what could have been done earlier to avoid it?”
For Leaders
We think there are three solid reasons why, as leaders, it pays to get into this conversation and stay in it.
Firstly, regularly checking in on whether your person is enjoying their job (which is different to how they are performing in their job) sends the signal that you care about their personal satisfaction with their work, over the long haul.
Secondly, getting in on this conversation early means there is a good chance that you can rectify the things that aren’t working before the dissatisfaction becomes too much. Stretch assignments can be sought, duties shuffled around within the team when the opportunity arises, and project work found to help your person continue to grow and develop.
And finally, moves can take time. If your person has a desire to leave (for reasons beyond your control), getting advance warning can help you prepare your resourcing for when they finally do leave. This might mean starting to look for a successor or thinking about your team structure.
More than once we have heard the concern that team members might effectively ‘check out’ once they have signalled their departure intentions, but we like to believe the opposite can be true. Imagine if your manager said to you, “In the six months before you leave, what skills and development would set you up best for your next mission?’ I bet that would make your day - and if that development happened, chances are you would remain devoted to the end!
For team members
You have to use your best judgement on this, but if it’s the job, not the organisation you’ve fallen out of love with, we highly recommend signalling early (maybe six months ahead) that you’re not enjoying your job so much any more. It helps if you are as crisp as you can be about why.
It can feel scary to do this, because of the worry that it will disadvantage you while you’re in the role. Here are a couple of reasons we recommend feeling the fear and doing it anyway;
Firstly, by talking it over with your boss, perhaps you and they can reshape your role so you can be doing more of the things you enjoy and less of the things you don’t. Or if more responsibility is on your agenda, perhaps the work could be reapportioned in the team so you can take some of their work off their plate.
Secondly, it could be that there are opportunities you haven’t thought about or don’t yet know about, in the organisation that could well be aligned to your strengths, skills and aspirations. By withholding information about your intentions and how you feel, you may be robbing yourself of a great opportunity to stay within the organisation where, hopefully, you are already known for great work.
Lastly, it is incredibly considerate to your boss. If it really is time to move on from the role, It gives them time to plan for your replacement. And, if they are a good boss, they will take it graciously and may even help you with connections to find your next role.
Of course all of this requires a relationship built on mutual trust, where career ideas and aspirations can be discussed openly and freely. For more on that, check out our blog on tips to create mutual trust.
Related stories
